Loi’s Story

When Loi was little, her mother planned her life. Any decision in Loi’s life was made by her mother. As she grew older, Loi expected that this would change. But it never did.

“Since I was a child, I have never been enough for my mom. She thinks I am not capable of doing anything and if there was something wrong happened, that would because of me.”

In 2004, Loi got married. Her mother had chosen her husband for her. Despite her apprehension when learning the man had schizophrenia, Loi felt she should follow her mother’s will and accept the marriage.

Loi’s marriage brought her many days of pain and heartbreak. Her husband hit her. He slapped her and scolded her. These actions kept repeating over and over, turning into an endless circle of violence for her and her children. The abuse continued through physical, mental, and economic aspects. One time he locked her in a room and beat her despite her pleading for it to stop.

Her husband’s mental health disorder meant that Loi became the main breadwinner. To support the family, Loi took up all manner of jobs; rice production, cleaning, and sewing.

Working laborious jobs to support the whole family while being subject to her husband’s constant violence took its toll on Loi. Gradually, she became exhausted and desperate.

For the first time, she decided to make a decision for herself. She ran away, taking her children to a safe place where her husband could not find them. For two years Loi hid, constantly worried he would carry out his threat to find them and punish them for what she did to him. It was then Loi dared to reach out for help and went to Hagar Vietnam.

With Hagar’s support, Loi and her children received psychological counselling and case management services to stabilise their life. Her children were supported by Hagar to continue their education and vocational training. Hagar also understood that not only was Loi abused by her husband, she had also suffered psychological abuse from her mother which may affect her way of raising children. Hagar provided Loi with parenting skills and support to break the abuse cycle and to ensure that she recognises her value.

During the years Loi was victim to extreme violence, she didn’t ask for help from anyone around her or report it to the police because she believed it was her fate to endure him. She felt defeated and surrendered to it. But after receiving Hagar’s support, Loi gained bravery and found hope for a brighter future.

Loi started a new job and rented a room for her and her children to stay safe. She worked closely with Hagar to support her eldest daughter studying at a training course.

Most importantly, Loi gave herself liberty when she made her biggest decision yet – getting a divorce. Even when her mother still tried to blame her for being a failure, Loi considered the decision her first success on her healing journey.